Devote to Emote!

I’m going to talk to students about my story.  I don’t really know why I want to do this so much. All I know is that I really, really think it will help me.  It would be amazing if it helped them too, but I think the act of me telling my story and what I have learned to other people will give me a sense of purpose, and help me with the process of healing.  When I am talking about all of the morals and lessons I have learned and hope to learn, the morals themselves sink deeper in to me, and I believe them more readily.  Also, body image is a bit of an untouched subject when it comes to school, but it is on the brains of all of those teens.  Hopefully I can give them an example of how it is important to love and care for not only what you look like, but also what you feel like. A big lesson I am learning right now is that my emotions are justified.  A lot of the time, I try to dismiss my emotions, try to control them, or think that they are wrong. But they aren’t.  You are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling. And if you don’t acknowledge it, it will only grow bigger and bigger, and be harder to deal with later. If you are pissed off, be pissed off. Just be aware of things that make you feel better.  Talk to people. Talking is so important. Everyone is so busy these days, sometimes I feel that a “stressful" life is the mark of a “successful” life. And this is not the case. It isn’t how many things you can balance before the silver platter crashes over your head, and you collapse.  If you aren’t working every second, that doesn’t mean you are lazy. This is a mentality that I need to get over. I sometimes over program myself to the point that I am frustrated and tired. Stress and anger lead to sickness for me.  And then since I am a singer, the sickness affects my passion, and since I am getting hired to sing in different shows, it is crucial for me to be healthy.  And so, I need to lighten my load, but how? I usually just look at my planner and decide which things don’t need to happen, or I exercise, or I write.  Being stressed isn’t something to be proud of, but I see people walk around and talk about it with each other. And this is how it goes. Two people will start a conversation about how stressed they are. And usually, they then expand and talk about what they have to accomplish and how there isn’t enough time, ya da ya da. When really, wouldn’t it be a nice change if someone asked how you were going to deal with the stress? Or maybe gave you a suggestion to deal with it? Rather than both just going your separate ways and still feeling stressed and maxed out, what if you guys just confided in each other that you aren’t sure what to do to make it all feel better.  Honesty. Why is this a good idea? Because, you might get some good ideas, and also little acts of humanity (such as this) bring you closer to someone. Admitting that you don’t know something, is a sign of strength. It sounds all backwards, but this is what I have come to believe.  Back to dismissing emotions.  I was asked to sing at a funeral the other day. I did not know anyone in the family, nor the deceased, so I figured it wouldn’t be horribly difficult for me to get up there and give the offering of my music to the family. And since, it isn’t a show, the spotlight isn’t shining on my face. However, during the service, I was completely moved, and I openly wept with the family for their loved one.  Little things touched me.  Like how she always had a twinkle in her eye even when her memory was failing.  Maybe this touched me because I see a bit of this in one of my relatives.  Needless to say, when I got up to sing it was one of the hardest things I have done in a long time.  My throat was all choked up, my nose was runny, but what saved the day was that my heart was in the right spot.  By no means was this performance one of my most technically accurate and well crafted ones. But it came from my heart. I had moments of fear when the organ started to play, I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it.  But somehow, after that first breath in, I started to sing. It was a shaky start, but then my heart sang the rest for me. And I moved people. I have never sung more from my heart than I did at this funeral. I was talking with the family afterwards, and they said that my humanity as an artist was more beautiful than any perfect note could ever be. And to me, this is the mark of a true musician. So, acknowledge your feelings, because they could bring you closer to someone, or at least guide you to the path of feeling better.  Emotions are part of what makes us human, they are beautiful just like us.