My Italy adventure has come and gone, but it has surely left a mark. It’s safe to say that I have about 85 percent or more of the hair I lost in the fall, back on my head. And it is nice, healthy hair. Lots of people have tried to put labels on why it decided to really come back while I was abroad, but I think it’s a much better feeling for me to just accept it, and be happy with how I feel on the inside rather than poke at all the external factors that may have played a role. New favourite song: Let it Be. The song summarizes a lot of what has gone on for me. The moment that I contemplated not wearing a wig, was the moment the hair growth started to pick up. The time in which I grew to not even think about wearing one at all during my day, that is when the growth really sped up. The moment in which I stopped analyzing the back of my head using the 2 mirror strategy, that is when things started to changed. And although I am so happy that I have my very own hair on my head, I am not as attached to it as I used to be with my old hair. I think that just comes with the territory. I am starting to learn how to be confident in who I am, and embrace the things that make me unique. And this is where I have found my beauty. Not a fake, external, trendy type of beauty. But a deep beauty connected to your heart and soul. This beauty I think can only come out of you when you make yourself vulnerable. And another big thought that I like to ponder is that, we are never “there”. It’s a constant journey, with small destinations, but we are never “there”. And so, even though my hair has filled in now, it could go at any point, and return at any point. And so, learning how to detached emotions will be a very useful skill. I think it’s useful for anyone, especially those pursuing careers in performing arts. But for me, the important thing is knowing that my hair is my hair, but it doesn’t have anything to do with what makes me Shauna. But the pretty amazing thing about this whole experience, is that I think I will be learning from it for the rest of my life. It has touched and changed my views on so many things, things that I thought were never related to hair. And if anyone is reading who has alopecia, this is what I have to say to you.
A good friend told me this, “Sometimes things are taken away from us to show who we really are on the inside.” I believe it. Losing my hair showed me my inner strength, something that I didn’t know I had. And although it is hard to have a problem that is so visible, yet also so isolating, I promise you that it has no reflection on who you are. Alopecia is a part of you, but it can never be you. And you might have to learn of a new way to think of things, a way that doesn’t include labels, and ideas, a way that just simply accepts something for just the way it is. And this concept might seem radical, but it has really helped me ignore all of the reasons people have tried to dream up. Also, I won’t tell you that you are beautiful, but I can help you try to feel it for yourself. For me, being told I was beautiful seemed fake at times. As if people just think anything that is a bit out of the norm should be called beautiful. Regardless of whether they meant it or not, beauty needs to be fed from inside of us. And so, taking time and investing in one of your passions would be my biggest advice. Doing something that makes you happy, proud, something you feel that you are good at will help you a lot. Not only does it take your mind off of what is going on, it also reminds you that there are many things in life that make you happy, not just having hair on your head! Surround yourself with loving people. Cry as much as you want. Smile and laugh just as much. Know that this is a bump in the road. Really, really know that this is just a bump. And maybe one day, you will look back and see everything as a huge blessing. I am starting to see it this way. And know that the things that make you who you are can never be taken away from you.
I hope this helps you, and thank you for your support in reading my blog. I will blog again soon!
