Body Image

Body Image. What is it? The way we think of our bodies. How many people are actually happy with their body? How many people are indifferent, and how many people live their lives trying to change their body, and forget about all of the good things it already does? To be honest, I don’t have the best body image. In fact, that’s one thing I wish I could change about myself.  I wish I could just be carefree about my body, and not worry about whether I got enough workouts in, or whether or not I have eaten well each day. Maybe that is just caring about my body. But what is the difference between poor body image and caring about my body?  The line is fine. It is small, and some people tread so carefully in between.  And it’s all in the eyes of the beholder. An anorexic always is searching for a thinner body, and food is the enemy. How can we find balance. Blah.. I don’t like the word balance. First of all because it is just a bit vague. Is anyone really sure of how much of each part of life is needed to create balance? There are no rules, it’s up to us. Sometimes I like having some rules for things, just to make it all easier. And that’s where certain eating disorders and poor body image ideals come into play. People impose rules on themselves. Since nobody knows really what is right, no one actually knows the correct balance, and then we impose an ideal balance upon ourselves.  We think up different ideas of what we would like for ourselves without considering what is actually possible.  And hence, fad diets, crazy exercise routines, and for me, stress.  Stress seeps up on me covered with an invisible cloak. I am horrible at figuring out if I am stressed or not. Usually, I have some stress if I find myself asking myself if I am stressed.  And then, the other tell tale sign of me being stressed is the weight. I feel like there are these heavy weights that sit right on my chest, in the middle of the part that deflates when I exhale.  The weights don’t move. They sit there, and bug me while I sing, they bug me while I try to sleep at night. The only way for them to leave is through some exercise, talking to someone, and best of all, writing.  What’s stressing me out right now in my life is my public speaking adventure. What if I get laughed at by a group of 13 and 14 year old kids? What if I can’t keep a brave face, and something touches my overly emotional heart and I cry?  And why am I so afraid to break down?  It’s funny how when I was young I thought that older people had no fears. Fears are only for kids to have. But that’s not true. Children are often more fearless. I will mebrace my inner child, and step into a realm of vulnerability.